We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
