update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
