I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
