sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
