Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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