what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
