Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
