Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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