Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
two words...techno handjob
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
