Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
