my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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