I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
