she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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