I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
