I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
