I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
