Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
