Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
