Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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