I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
