fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
