so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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