the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
