can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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