I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
