i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
