it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
