nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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