don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
