PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
