took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
two words...techno handjob
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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