He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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