I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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