dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
