stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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