i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
