I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
