I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
