Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
