forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
