I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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