9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
