I am puke
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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