I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
