did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
