pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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