OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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