Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
