Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
