So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
