you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
